SPEAKER_02 0:07

Cecilia McGaugh is the author of Fighting for an Identity and a passionate speaker who loves inspiring women to find their worth in Christ. She's part of the National Christian Women's Conference She Will and leads women's ministry at her local church. Cecilia is all about encouraging women to walk confidently and who they're called to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Yeah, absolutely. Well, tell us about your journey of coming to know Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Well, coming to know I've always known about God. Um, I grew up in a Catholic home, and so knowing about God, but having a very blurred perspective of Him. Sure. And in my early teen years, as part of being part of the group, I gave my life over to the Lord at a youth group. And then I pretty much just walked away up until when I was in my mid-30s. And it wasn't until my mid-30s that I made a recommitment to the Lord as an adult and consciously made a decision to pursue him and to do life with him in the center of it. And that's when everything changed. So I've always known of God, but as an adult is when I truly began my relationship with him, and everything has changed, and it's been an adventure ever since.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

So well, back up a little bit and tell us about being undocumented in this country in the United States and about being smuggled into the country and how that's a part of your testimony.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Okay, well, I am um I'm the youngest of 10.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Um, and my parents are both Mexican citizens, right? And so they were really pursuing a better life for us. And so they um they came, they had an opportunity to come over to the country um with the help of my father's siblings. And then as we started coming into the picture, um, we were born in Mexico, but we were slowly smuggled in. Um, my particular story because there's so many of us, again, there was nine before me, right? So I will tell you my piece of it is uh my earliest memory of being smuggled in was probably at about three years old, and it wasn't like um smuggled in where I had to come across the Rio Grande or anything like that. I wasn't smuggled by a coyote, and all of this is in my book. Um, my parents um hid me in the vehicle, and they would kind of put things on on like over me, like clothes or bags, or just things to kind of cover me up a bit. And then I would just be very still and kind of come on over. And I say that because it wasn't a once and done kind of an event. I was smuggled in many times over because being smuggled in is not, and and again, we're talking about being smuggled in in the 70s, mid-70s, not in today's world.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Um, so being smuggled in is just one of the struggles or complications of coming over because once you're here, then you know you still need um finances to cover, you know, provisions, meals, and all the things, but then also medical care. So we didn't have medical care. Um, so we would go back to Mexico often to get medical supplies and to go and visit family members and to pick up um groceries and things like that. So I was smuggled in many times over. And again, a lot of the details are are in the book, but um but it wasn't a once and done kind of thing. And so I kind of had to evolve as I got older because obviously when you're three, you're quite small and you could kind of fit anywhere. But as you get older, things change, and so you had to change the strategy on how we were gonna be smuggled in after that. And so for me, I learned someone else's identity at a very early age, probably at about um the age of about six, five or six.

SPEAKER_06 5:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Um, and so I learned this other, this person's name, social security, her birth date, her address, and this is something that we would do in the evenings, you know, um, when we were sitting around as a family, it's like, okay, let's practice. Like, what's your name? And I'd give them my name and tell them my birthday and give this fake social security um number. Um, and this is was kind of the thing that we did because I knew that when we were gonna come over again, um, it was something I was gonna have to recite and I couldn't mess up. And it felt like a lot of weight. Um when you're when you're seven and you know, we did this till I was maybe about 11 or 12. And so it was a lot of weight and a lot of pressure that um that you wouldn't get anything wrong because it wasn't just me at stake, it was my entire family at stake. And so um there was just a lot of mix-up in that because you truly began to question your identity, and so um, so that was my story of of being smuggled in.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Do you feel like your family had similar stories along along with you, that they all struggled with their identity as well?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

I think that everybody had their own struggles, a different. I think that um it's not just my family, but as I'm in full-time ministry now. And so as I speak to people, everybody struggles with their identity. I mean, across the board, that is that is the enemy's first line of attack. Because if he can attack who we are and whose we are, then he has a better chance of robbing, killing, and destroying the future that God has for us. And so I don't think that struggling with identity is exclusive to me or to my story. I think it's just one of the facets of it. Um, taking into consideration that I am the youngest of 10, well, think about that time span. So the oldest is almost 20 years older than me. So their struggles are very different from my struggles. By the time I came along, my parents were definitely a lot more relaxed. They had already kind of learned the system a little bit. So there was just a little bit more boldness by the time I came along from my parents, and the risk just get higher and higher, right? So I can't speak for my siblings, but I can speak for myself. And and I think that I can speak for other people because again, like God wouldn't take so much time to get it in scripture. Like, you are a child of God, you are a royal priesthood, you are my friend, you are my chosen, you are the apple of my eye. Like, he wouldn't take so much time to get all of that in there unless he knew that this was gonna be where the enemy was going to try to attack us. Because if he can trip us up on our identity, then the rest of it is gonna be so much easier for him because it will definitely cause us to question our worth, our value, our significance, our confidence. And so um, so identity is a thing that um, yeah, I feel like we've all struggled with at some point or another.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

Absolutely. And so, speaking of identity, what sort of lies of the enemy really kept you bound from walking in true freedom?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Well, you know, we only have an hour, Heather. But you sound like me. But uh, but here's the thing is that um again, in our childhood, like we are so fragile, we're so pure, like we're so defenseless, right? And we are in complete reliance of the people that we are entrusted to, our parents, other adults, our community, our teachers, right? Like all of the all of these individuals, right? And the thing is, is all of those people are broken. All of those people are broken, and they are operating from hopefully the best place that they can and with good intentions, but nevertheless, we're broken. And so if the enemy can come in and entangle us in in the innocence of our childhood, and he could entangle us by bringing small little lies like you're just not enough. This is why you have to use somebody else's name to come over. You're just not pretty enough. That's why they're not your friends. You're not smart enough because you don't understand the language, you don't belong here, you don't belong here, you belong somewhere else. I mean, all of these are all little lies, right? And the thing is, and I'm gonna talk about the enemy a lot, and just to bring clarity, because I think that clarity is super important, the enemy is Satan, is the devil. And if we believe in God, then we have to know that there is an enemy who is trying to rob us and strip us of everything that God is calling us to be. So it's in our childhood that he brings these small little ideas and thoughts, and and we're all we all no matter what our childhood was like, we all fall into it. And then the ones that take root, those that fall into the fertile ground, not the good kind, those that fall into the fertile ground that maybe like the one that you're not smart enough, you're just not equipped to learn, or I was illiterate for many years of my life, which is again, it's such a God thing. It just brings a lot more glory to God because it's like, wow, I'm an author and I'm a speaker now. And I'm like, how is that? Only by God, right? Only by his divine power. And this is like, I am the miracle. You are the miracle. You look in the mirror. That you want to see a miracle, look in the mirror. That's you, that's the miracle. But um, but um, so if those lies that take seed, those are the ones that the enemy will come back and continue to water. Because if you believe you're not, like, for example, in my case, I didn't believe I was smart enough to accomplish anything. I didn't think that I was smart enough to learn, so I just learned how to pretend to learn. And I was good at pretending because I was taught to pretend to be somebody else, right? And so then each time that there is a failure, like um I remember many years ago, I don't remember the name of the program, but there was this program where um in the summer you can like get a summer job, like even before you turn 16, and they teach you like these life skills, right? Well, I never got chosen to go, but I applied every year. And every year the enemy would be like, Well, they didn't choose you because you're not smart enough. Or um, you know, I didn't get selected maybe for a program or for a play. It's like, well, it's it's because you're not smart enough. And then take it into your adulthood, and now you're maybe applying for colleges or different, well, you can get selected because you're not smart enough. You see what I'm saying? Is that there are so many lies, and I can spend all day telling you about all of the lies I used to believe, and I can go on and on. But I think that it's important, what's more important than understanding the lie is identifying the root of when it was planted. Because if we can go back to the source and we can take it out from the root, then when that lie comes back up, we are gonna be more alert to identify it and be like, uh-uh, I know what you're doing here, devil. Sure. You're trying to trip me up with that same lie I used to believe. That's not who I am anymore. I am a child of God, I am wise, I am perfect in his eyes, I am worthy. And my worth does not come by somebody's invitation or validation or star sticker or degree or selection of any sort. And I think that when we start taking hold of our true identity, it's so much easier to break free from those lies.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

That's so good. And so, how would you speak to maybe the truth that needs to be planted in, right? You figure out the root of what's really going on, of where you what you believed and where you believed it. But then at what point do you start placing truth where that lie used to be?

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Well, that's a great question because two things can't occupy the same space, right? Right. And if you remove something and you leave it empty, well, then it's gonna be empty and it's susceptible to anything. And if we don't stand for anything, we don't believe in in something that is real in God. If we don't believe in God, then we're gonna fall for any counterfeit, right? And so praise the Lord that we live in this new technology that has made my life so much easier in the last 10 years. Um, so I started using this app and I I talk about this a lot in um in our workshops. It's the Bible.org, right? So I'm like, whatever the question is, like, what does God say about me being ugly or feeling ugly? Like, and and it'll just pour all of these truths, right? And so you have to replace that um that lie with a truth, right? Or what does the Lord say about you know, sexuality? You I mean, it doesn't even matter what the topic is, every topic is covered in the Bible, and so that's the easiest way to do it. Um, but as you get more, as I've been become more seasoned in the Lord, it's not enough for me. I really prefer an undiluted gospel, and an undiluted gospel for me is revelation, like wisdom and knowledge that can only come from my daddy above, right? And that is something that is alive and active, and it's gonna change. And no matter how many times we have the conversation about maybe what he says in John, you know, 1010, each time he tells me, he's gonna say it a little different, and I'm gonna get a different layer of knowledge that goes along with that. And so for me, I'm a rabbit chaser and I love just digging into scripture, and that's really where I find my truth. And and the truth when when it's truth that comes from the heavenlies, when it's revelation knowledge, it changes than hearing it from from my lips or from your pastor's lips or from a podcast or from anybody on you know, whoever you're hearing, because when it comes from the heavenlies, it doesn't just fall on your heart, it goes into your soul, it is imbued into you, and so then when that topic comes up, when something is wired and it's in your DNA and it's imbued in, it's gonna spew out. Yeah, so for me, going directly to the source and going directly to the well, you never thirst in that in that peace, right? In that truth that he gave you again.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Yeah, yeah, he's so good like that. I love that you say you go on these rabbit trails. When I do the same thing, like I look up one thing of scripture, and then the next thing you know, all the cross references. I'm like in five different books, and it's so fun because I'm like, oh my gosh, it's all connected.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Yes, yes, it truly is. I'm so excited right now about the tabernacle because I've always been just enamored by the tabernacle. I want to know all about it. I want to, you know, get all of the information. But I recently learned that before the tabernacle was something more informal called the meeting of tents, and that's uh in Exodus, and that's where God like intended for us to just be his friend. Like it's his first invitation for us to say, anybody can come. It's not just for Moses. And again, I can go off on tangents because I love rabbit chasing, but that has been my most recent rabbit hole, and I am just like a little pit bull, not letting that go. I'm like, okay, Lord, show me more. Because I want to know about this agape love friendship in that in that friendship level. We're getting ready to um to host a retreat for one of the ministries that I lead, and uh the topic is friendship. So that's kind of how that whole thing started. And I felt like I knew, and this is where I'm saying, like, the the word of the Lord is alive and active, and it is so powerful. And each time you have a conversation with him, it's like okay, I got it. He's like, remember, you know, we've been kind of building blocks on on what friendship is, and now he's just taken me to this new level of what true friendship is, and now I realize like there is I can try all all that all that is in me to be a good friend to somebody, but I promise I will fail you as a friend. I will say the wrong thing, I will do the wrong thing because I am just imperfect. But our perfect father, our perfect God is the perfect friend, and he, you know, he just shows us by example, and it's it's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

It's exciting. I love, I can see your joy radiating off your face. I love it. So I would love to hear a little bit more about the journey of discovering your true identity in Christ. Like you were saying, I think we all struggle with it. It's something that he purposely put in the Bible to really show us how to live that out. And I was recently at a house church and uh we started talking about I'm gonna get the verse wrong. I think it's Mark 16, somewhere in Mark 16 where it talks about what it really means to live out the gospel. And one of the things I was saying is if we want signs and wonders to follow us wherever we go, like it did the disciples, we need to understand our true identity in Christ. And that so many people don't live from that place. So maybe speak a little bit to how we can really go about, you know, learning that and how we can go about living that out.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

I'm gonna take you to James. Okay. James 6. I don't remember uh the verse, but James 6 says you can't heal a wound by saying it isn't there. So the first thing is to step out of denial. We can't heal something that we can't identify. And and identifying something takes courage, it takes boldness. And I would never ever step into the deep waters of my past without holding the hand of my heavenly father. So we have to step into the deep in order to really find out like what are those lies? What is that blurred perspective that I have, and not just about yourself, because it's what what do you believe about others, about God, and about yourself? Because sometimes it's it's being tripped up on what we believe about others, because if we if we um categorize people or we believe certain things about certain individuals, we're robbing ourselves of a potential friendship, a potential prayer warrior that we can link arms with. Like we're being robbed of what God has already predestined for us, right? So I think that the first thing is that we have to be courageous and bold enough to step into the deep waters in order to identify what is that thing, and then come back to the safety of your heavenly father and say, okay, Lord, now show me what to do with this and show me how to navigate through this. Because if I navigate through this any other way, it will be temporary and it's gonna be a fix for a short time. So the very first thing is that we need to get out of denial, we need to get out of that and say, okay, let me be honest with myself so that I can be honest with God, and then I can invite the healing. And so for me, that was a big step. And sometimes we don't want to see the ugly. And here's the thing that we need to understand is that we have such a compassionate and caring and gentle father. If he is showing you something that you're just like, oh yeah, I don't want to remember that part of my life. Like that was a season that like I just want it right. It's like, no, look at it. Because when you look at it, you will see me in the midst of that nonsense. You'll see me in the midst of your mess. And you will see my hand of provision and protection because I had already called you for something bigger than that. And it was that very thing, it's that very thing that it gives us our reach for a certain set of people, for a certain set of ears. Because here's the thing is Heather, is that we all have a different story. But we're all part of these, of being a kingdom builder, you know? And so we have a specific voice for a specific set of ears with a specific testimony that's going to speak directly to that person. And there is no one else that that person is going to hear. So unless we step up and start speaking about that thing that maybe we didn't want to look at, because oh, I just don't want to remember that season. I just don't want to look at that part because I was so ugly. And God's like, I wasn't the ugly. Go back to Old Testament. Don't, I was there. Like, think of Jesus' lineage. He picked like the people that were doing the most detestable things that we even somebody who is immoral would be like, oh yeah, no, like that was gross. Like she slept with her dad and what tricked him? That's the lineage. That's God chose that. Why? Why did He choose the things that were the most detestable? Because nothing is beyond his reach. And so that should inspire us to say, let me look at that thing that I don't want to look at, knowing that my father is going with me and he's going to show me something new, and he's going to show me something beautiful, and he's going to show me how he made that thing that was disgusting, and he made it white as snow. And he said, You are righteous, you are my royal priesthood, you are my ambassador, and I need you to use your voice as a mouthpiece because there is a set of ears that is waiting to hear what you have to say. And when we look at when we look at the Bible, when we look at the gospels, what is it? It's a collection of stories. Everybody in the Bible had an encounter with the Lord. Everybody in the Bible was in need of a savior. Everybody in the Bible has a testimony. So truly, what does that tell us? We are, we are a living gospel. Our testimony is one of the books. And it's one that we don't have to learn or study. And if that's where we start, is just by sharing, then geez, that's that's us being the hands and feet, right? But in order to do that, we have to be willing. We have to be willing and courageous and bold enough to go into the deep, knowing that our Father is holding us and He's gonna bring us back to the shore. And He's gonna say, Okay, now let's look at it. And let me show you how I was in every moment of that. And I still love you. And that's amazing to me. That is an that is an overwhelming love that truly like I cannot fathom. But I know that when I'm in his presence, I don't want to get out of it.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

It's so good. I'm trying not to cry over here. Um, but it's so true. When you do get in his presence and you feel the love of Christ, you don't want to leave because you just recognize like how how precious it is, like his heart towards us.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

And we're so not worthy. I mean, we truly like we have nothing, nothing that he needs, nothing that you know, but but what can we do? You know, what can we do with this gratitude? The only thing that we can do is speak. This is this is our instrument right here, and and and there is no we're either speaking life or we're speaking death. We're either speaking toward the kingdom or we're speaking toward the world, like there's no in between, right? And so, you know, and when we fail, he's like, I knew you were gonna, Cecilia, and that's why I had already called somebody else to step up. And and and this is why we all need each other, we all need each other, and I just feel like we need to really be um intentional about knowing that we're all working toward the kingdom and that we all are a different piece, and we we need to start working together, and we need to champion each other instead of comparing and competing with each other because it's not about that in the kingdom, we we all have the same prize, and we are so blessed that we get to experience the prize before we finish the race, and that is the fuel that like keeps us going and says, Okay, I can be nice to that person who is not always the kindest to me. Okay, I can go ahead and pray for this individual once again for the same thing all over again. Yes, I can answer the same questions, and and I'm like, Lord, you had so much patience with me, and that's why for me I try to remember what I have been spared and saved from, not for the purpose of condemnation, but for the purpose of humility, because humility I feel is the key to like staying in tune and in step with the heart of God. Because if we stay remembering what we've been saved from, it's so much easier to extend grace, it's so much easier to be patient, it's so much easier not to roll your eyes, it's so much easier to just be like done with people because we're people and we're all broken and and yeah, we just need to learn to love each other the way God loves us, right? That's right. And the only way we can do that is to remember what we've been spared and saved from.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

So good. So tell us a little bit about the ministry opportunities that you're a part of now where you're helping others heal from just trauma and helping them find their purpose in the pain.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Um so God is so funny, he has a sense of humor. So I'll I'll tell you um a quick story. Um, several years ago, we were my husband and I were already walking with the Lord and um we were serving and we were leading some Bible studies, and I just felt like we are just going, like we're moving forward, like I'm growing. I was early in my walk with the Lord, but I was like fully in and fully passionate about it. And then I remember one morning um I discovered some pornography on my husband's computer and my heart sunk. My heart sunk and I was devastated, I was done. And um, of course, I I called him out on it and I told him that I was done, and I felt like an imposter because we've been serving a church, like we're leading these things, and like I just want it out. And um he said, like, I'll do anything, just tell me what needs to happen. I said, Well, I said the only way that I'm gonna move forward with this is if we expose this, like we need to go and talk to the pastor, and you need to tell him exactly what's been happening, and we're stepping down from everything, and I'm not serving, I can't serve in this, you know, with this in our in our home. So, anyway, all that to say that my husband ended up joining um this group called Celebrate Recovery. And I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's at a saddleback church. Um, it was um founded by John Baker and um Rick Warren, and um and so it's basically for anybody with a hurt, a hang up, or habit. But I really didn't understand what it was. They had just started at my church, and my husband decided to go to it because um they have like a category for people who struggle with pornography. And I remember um, you know, we were moving forward and we decided we're gonna seek healing and we're gonna invite the Lord into it. And I remember he the first day he gets dressed, and you know, I was watching TV and he's like, Hey, are you coming? And I'm like, uh-uh, this is this is all you. You brought this into the marriage, you fix it. I'm not any part of it. And I know you're wondering, what the heck is she talking about? It's funny because the Lord has a sense of humor. I never went to join him in the celebrate recovery. He asked me, he was part of it for like two years, and he says, You can come. And I'm like, I don't want to go, like, it's not my problem. Like, I'm not gonna do that. So then the Lord plugged us out of that area and he moved us to an island in the middle of the Pacific to go serve there. And um, I was devastated. I went kicking and screaming, even though it's a beautiful place, but I went there not knowing exactly what the Lord was calling us to. Well, six months later, my husband started a celebrate recovery group there. Um, and if you know anything about celebrate recovery, it is a gender-specific group, meaning that like we meet together, but then the women, you know, um go into their own small groups and the men go. So my husband says, Hey, like um, pastor gave us an approval, I need you to jump on board. And I'm like, Yeah, no, I'm not like I can't do that. Like, that's for people with real problems, like issues. Like, I'm not, I thought I don't have issues. So denial. This is where I learned so much about it because I lived in the denial river. Um, so so anyway, so it was it was there where I truly learned how hostage, like like the level of being held hostage I was, and I didn't really even realize that I was in bondage, right? And so that's truly what propelled me into true freedom. Like I was walking with the Lord, I felt like I was doing good, like I'm not doing any of that other, those other things that I perceived as being bad, but I still had all of these unhealthy, you know, things in my life, and I had ungodly beliefs and all kinds of things. Anyway, I say all of that because that's the first thing that we started leading, um, like in full capacity. And I so anyway, through that, like kicking and screaming, I did it, and then moving forward, um, I was really um excited because the Lord had given me permission and made a way for me to step back into women's ministry, and that's really where my heart is is women's ministry. Um, but now I came prepared and I came delivered on a whole new level of transparency and authenticity. So now there is no topic that is off of the table. And my husband and I both share, we talk about you know, struggles with the pornography within our marriage, we talk about uh infidelity, like there was infidelity, we're a combined marriage, so we both were married previously. So we talk openly about the infidelity that lived in our marriages before and like how we've the Lord has healed that and has really taught us what it looks like to have a God-centered marriage. Like all this to say that there is nothing off the table, but I feel like I had to go through that refinement process in order to prepare me for what I'm doing now. So now what I do is I serve in women's ministry at our church, but I also um I used to be a speaker prior to moving to the middle of the Pacific. Okay. Um, and I would go and speak at conferences and women's retreats and different things, but I was, and and the Lord was working through me. I mean, because God's word never goes void, right? The Lord was working through me, but it was really a show about Cecilia. Like it was like I was promoting me. I was not promoting, like I wanted to get my name out there, I wanted a platform, I wanted all of the things. And so after going through this, is leading and celebrate recovery and going through all of that healing, I feel like he finally gave me a green light and said, Okay, now, now you're ready to lead again. And now I can entrust you again with a platform. And so um about a year and a half ago, I got invited to be part of the Lynn Ministries uh group, which is um, I don't know if you've heard of the conference She Will. It's a Christian's uh conference there nationwide, and they invited me to come and share at one of their conferences, and since then it has been just like this beautiful relationship that we've developed. So I am part of their team, so I travel with them wherever we have conferences, um, and so that that has been a really amazing experience, and this is where I kind of share about whatever they ask me to share. Um, and then we've also started another ministry that kind of spinned off of that celebrate recovery. Within celebrate recovery, um, you're required to kind of do an inventory of your life, and basically it's looking at yourself in the mirror and going into those deep waters that we were talking about, identifying the things and then identifying like the things that you are accountable for. And so if you've if you haven't done the program, and now I'm speaking to your audience, but if you haven't done that program or you've never heard of it, I encourage you to look for it. Like if you need a starting point of how can I go and identify these things that are holding me hostage that I didn't even know about because that was me. I encourage you to look for celebrate recovery, and they are a worldwide um program. So they are in every language in every country, and it's beautiful. Anyway, all that to say that that has prepared me for what I do now. And so, one of the other ministries, it's a monthly gathering that we have. It started off with 12 people. We've been doing it for about um a year and a half, and I live out in the country in Spring Branch, Texas, like way, way far away from the city. Okay. And so now uh we come together and there is, you know, like 65 women, and so um it's really neat. Somebody shares their testimony, we have a short message, and prior to the individual going to share their testimony, we take them through their inventory that we learn through Celebrate Recovery. So those are the ways that I am serving now. Um, and that's kind of mine.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

I love it. I love it. And Celebrate Recovery is a great program if people don't know about it. Um, it's for anybody that, like you said, that has hurts or hangs up, hang-ups, and they need help. Yeah. So tell us a little bit about your book. We've referenced it a couple times and and previous questions and stuff like that. And it's called Fighting for Identity: the true story of how an undocumented young girl found genuine belonging. So give us a little synopsis about what you wrote.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

So um I started writing several years ago, about 10 years ago, and I started writing just kind of in blogs, and then I started getting invited to write in magazines, and it was very intimidating for me because again, for many years of my life, I was illiterate because I just kind of pretended through most of my school years, um, but I really wasn't comprehending the fundamentals, right, and the phonics of reading and writing. So, but it was something that was stirring inside of me, and I that's when I began to learn like this must be the Holy Spirit because this is certainly not of me. It puts me in a very uncomfortable um situation and position, right? And so um, as I started considering writing this story, um I really struggled because I knew that if I was going to write it, I didn't want it to just be a story. I wanted it to be a tool. I wanted people to be able to use it as a tool to help them navigate through their own um hurts, wounds, habits, hangups, all the things, right? So um I spent a lot of time in prayer, and I know that the Lord gave me a very divine format for this book. And I tell you that with all that I am because I know that I'm not that clever. I like, I know there's so many things in my life that I'm like, I know that was the Lord because I could not have thought of that myself. And I'm writing my second book now, and it kind of has a similar format. So the format that he gave me was that in each chapter, there is four sections. The first section is a core memory of my childhood, because remember, we talked about our most formative years, right? And so this book is based on um the ages of three to about 12 years old, which are my most formative years. So in each chapter, what you're gonna find is you're gonna find a core memory of my childhood, and it's just basically a short story of a section. And then the second piece is the entanglement, all the lies that I began to believe because of that core memory. The lies that I began to believe about myself, about others, and about God, and how that started to trip me up well into my adulthood. The third section is the truth revealed. This is how God revealed truth in those areas and how he set me free and gave me a new set of lenses to see myself, other people, and him the way he truly is for his true character. Then the fourth section is a reflection piece for the reader to go in and it has five specific questions in each chapter, and they're very strategic in asking about your childhood in that specific area. So again, it does, I mean, not everybody's been smuggled in. I mean, yeah, the story is a little, it's unusual, it's it's a little different, but but the way the questions are asked, it doesn't matter if you were, you know, what your upbringing is, because it does bring up these points of okay, like who did influence me like during this season? Who were the voices speaking in my ears? Who were the people explaining different things to me? And um, so if you go through the whole book, through the whole eight chapters, at the end, you'll be able to see the pattern that continuously keeps coming in. And when you see that, then that also gives you a starting point as far as like, okay, I can see how this topic or this issue keeps coming up. And so if it keeps coming up, and oftentimes uh we say, and when I say we, I'm talking about me, I say, oh, it doesn't matter. Like I've let that go. Well, if it didn't matter, why do you still remember when you were 10 years old? If it didn't matter, why do you still remember, you know, Jane from sixth grade? If it didn't matter, why is this still in there, right? And so it really gives you a really good footprint of identifying when something does rise up. Is this a past wound that is still lingering, or is this just something present, like that I can just resolve and like let's take it to the Lord right now? And so um, so that's kind of the way the book is written. Again, way too clever and way over my head. This is why I know it's not of me. Um, but it's been it's been really exciting for me to get the feedback on the book because I also I I still work part-time because obviously, you know, ministry doesn't pay. And in this world, they want, you know, American currency. They don't want, they don't want to google content to to buy eggs and milk and all the things. And uh so so I work four days a week. And so I work with people in all trades, um, including some doctors and attorneys, and you know, just high-profile jobs. But when I get the feedback from them and they're like, oh my gosh, I I can identify with how you felt in chapter two, I can identify the the home dynamic where nothing is ever explained to you as a kid, you know, in chapter four, whatever. And and and so this is why now for me, I can speak with a bit more confidence. Like it doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you were smuggled in or if you lived in, you know, a prestigious, perfect little home. Like we we all experience envy, anger, pridefulness, lack of self-worth. We all go through this. See, the the the enemy's not as clever as we give him credit for. It's the same thing that he is attacking, he just attacks it in a different way. It's just delivered in a different package, and it's up to us, and we're gonna sign for that, or we're gonna say, eh, take that back. That's not for me. Because I have a daddy who is a maker of heaven and earth, and you don't have a right to serve me these packages because I am already righteous, I am already holy, I am already pure. And yes, I've made a mess, but God has made beauty of ashes.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

That's so good. So so good. So if you could tell others about Jesus, what would you say? If you could tell them to pursue redemption and chase after him, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 44:22

I can say that um you know, I I told you I gave my life over to the Lord when I was a teenager in that youth group. And God is so true to his word. In John, I think it's John 28, it says, Once you've said yes to the Lord, no one can snatch you out of my father's hand. And maybe when I gave my life over to the Lord, maybe I walked away and I just kind of continued to do my, but the Lord said, uh-uh, you gave your life to me, and from now on, you will be mine for the rest of your days. And that's exactly what he did, right? And so when I came back to him, he was like, You were already mine, like I had already preserved you. And I can tell you that I think I hesitated coming to really surrender my life to Jesus because I thought it was religion, and it's not religion, it's relationship. So I, if I can tell somebody about Jesus, I would tell him, Jesus is not a religion, Jesus is a relationship. And ever since I stepped into this relationship, my life has been an adventure. My life has gone to places I would have never imagined. We lived in Hawaii for five years. We bought a house there, I owned a business, we were doing ministry. I never in my wildest dreams, when I was running barefoot with dry boogers on my nose through the streets of Mexico, ever even believed or imagined I would visit Hawaii. Like I'll I I don't know what era you're from, but I was watching Growing Pains when we were allowed to like watch English TV. And and I remember one episode specifically where they went, it was like they went on vacation and they were in Hawaii and Maui. Like so, and I remember that because um it was like, wow, that is so what a dream that would be. If somebody would have told nine-year-old me, like you're gonna live there, I would have been like, no way. Not only did I live there, I did life there. I owned a home there. I have forever family. I couldn't like if I wanted to take a vacation today and I only had a thousand bucks to do it, it would be cheaper for me to jump on a plane and go to Hawaii and hang out with my friends and visit there than it would be for me to go to Florida and go to Disney. Because in in Hawaii, I have lots and lots of friends and people that I can stay with for free. And they would say, here's my car, and I know where all the local groceries are, so I could do that, and that would be cheaper for us. That I could not imagine in my wildest dreams. I visited more countries than I ever thought, other than Mexico, believe it or not. I hardly ever go to Mexico now. This, I mean, it has been an adventure. So if you are holding back from saying yes to Jesus, I just want to encourage you. Like, Jesus is not a religion. Jesus is not a building, Jesus is not people, the church is gonna fail you. Why? Because it's full of people, people who are broken. Jesus is this beautiful relationship that offers you freedom. And he knows the desires of your heart. So if you're saying, oh, I can't follow Jesus right now because right now, like I'm kind of interested in doing this. Well, guess where that desire came from? You know, he wired that into you. He knows that you want to meet the man of your dreams, he knows that you want a child, he knows you know, that you want to be a writer, he knows that you want to be a speaker, he wired you, he knitted you together, he put that in you, but for his purpose, to extend his kingdom, to strengthen his kingdom, to speak life. See, oftentimes that's how I identify God's voice. Like, I identify God's voice because I know when he gets the instruction, it usually has nothing, nothing to do with me. He's never like, Cecilia, I really want you to go and get yourself that pair of boots because they are really cool. No, his voice usually says, Hey, I know you only have 30 bucks on you, but I really want you to cover her lunch. Okay. It usually involves other people because we are all commissioned to bless, we are all commissioned to be Christ-like. And what is Christ? Christ is giving, Christ is sacrificial, and we're called to live sacrificially for others, to lift one another up. And what does he say? Like, first seek the kingdom and everything else will be added on to you. The more I live open-handed, the more it's harder to hold what he's pouring in. And that's not why I do it. So we need to learn to let go and not live holding on to things so tightly, whether that is finances or resources or just knowledge. Sometimes I go, I don't want to share that because I'm like, they're gonna know where I get my information or who my mentors are or what. No, come on in. We we champion each other because it's the same goal, and we're all part of the same family, the forever family. And once you're part of forever family, like you're gonna look out for each other. That was a long answer, and that probably a person I was telling Jesus about would probably be like, bye, Gina. But but short answer. Jesus is not a religion, Jesus is a relationship, and it's been an extravagant ride since I said yes.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Well, that is an amazing story, and I loved every minute of it, and I know the audience will too. Well, thank you so much for coming on today, Cecilia. You were just a bright joy, a fresh air that we needed, so thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

You're welcome. Can't wait to um see what you guys do with all this.